These lesser days

The lesser days between Christmas and New Year really make me feel the difference between here and back home. It's always a little obvious at Christmas time, but the big difference here is that these days in between Christmas and New Year are work days, whereas back home, they are very much part of the holiday season. Of course, as usual in America, the fact that they are work days doesn't stop everyone from doing the minimum amount of work. But nonetheless, its a case of trying to de-emphasize the holiday (or quasi-religious) nature of the days. I don't think it's a conscious effort - just part of the ingrained culture.

Of course, in my case it's extra-sensitive because I'm trying to rely on people back home to provide information in order to begin planning for our upcoming wedding. I don't think dad is checking his e-mail at the moment (good for him!)

I think the other thing on my mind is that right now I feel kind of like I am pushing against the flow of life - flying into the wind.... I believe that we are supposed to work hard to accomplish what we are trying to do in life, but I also think that at a certain point, struggling against the natural current is to fall into the error of Jonah running away from Nineveh.

Bonhoeffer talks about God's call coming as part of many things in life grinding to a halt. Perhaps for me, that time came at the end of last year and continues now... It is certain that in terms of career, friends, mission... all these things are not moving with any momentum. Of course, most people have times like that. Who knows whether circumstances are coincidental or have a higher meaning. Perhaps both... I know we're not supposed to resolve tensions by sacrificing what we have been called to do, but it is hard for me to remain in the place I am in without grasping some power to control - or the illusion of such.

There must be things worth waiting for - upcoming openings for me to pursue. I must remain alert, able to give myself fully when the time comes... and prayerful and hoping with faith for the best to come.

It finally happened

Ah Mr. Mercury,

You know the strange paths that life takes. Although perhaps you became familiar with some slightly stranger paths than most. This morning I feel exhausted from the pursuit of immigration ins and outs. It appears that the US wants me to convert to being a citizen rather than remain as a permanent resident as was my preference. I have mixed feelings about this. Although I would not have to relinquish my current citizenship, it is true that I still have some qualms about the moral responsibilities a citizen must shoulder. In a nation like this, surely it can not be argued that all responsibility for international actions lies in the hands of the political or economical elite. The citizens must share some part of the blame for their military's stance in the world.

When the fatal bullet passes through the brain of an Iraqi father defending his country or an eighteen-year-old American marine, someone must be responsible, and though I feel that responsibility is not equally distributed, there would appear to be enough to go around. I could argue that no one in the entire world is immune from some share of the blame. Even as a permanent resident, I share in the economy of the country, its living and working conditions, its roads, oil, even its political and mass-media intrigues. I am ashamed, but I must not deny that I am partly responsible for everything that has happened.

Becoming an American citizen, I would take on a greater share of the blame for our actions. As a Christian I am glad that ultimately I have access to corrective forgiveness for this blame, but that in no way means that I can continue to be a part of the problem. However, He said that "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath" and I think the intent was that law was ultimately in place to better us as human beings and I must therefore strive to do whatever will further this goal. Will I help the situation by not becoming a citizen? I could certainly stir up some reactions among some people by being outspoken about refusing citizenship. I could mollify the feelings of my family and friends in other countries by refusing to align myself with the country. Or, I could choose to attach myself to this country and then fight to help change things. Ultimately, I don't believe that citizenship will have much affect either way, and might allow me to be more constructive in changing things. Thoughts?

Diamond successfully deployed

Yes! I have successfully attached Sexy Beast to myself on a more permanent basis through a successful deployment of a diamond engagement ring procured at Village Jewelers through the nice South African propriator Phillip.