These lesser days

The lesser days between Christmas and New Year really make me feel the difference between here and back home. It's always a little obvious at Christmas time, but the big difference here is that these days in between Christmas and New Year are work days, whereas back home, they are very much part of the holiday season. Of course, as usual in America, the fact that they are work days doesn't stop everyone from doing the minimum amount of work. But nonetheless, its a case of trying to de-emphasize the holiday (or quasi-religious) nature of the days. I don't think it's a conscious effort - just part of the ingrained culture.

Of course, in my case it's extra-sensitive because I'm trying to rely on people back home to provide information in order to begin planning for our upcoming wedding. I don't think dad is checking his e-mail at the moment (good for him!)

I think the other thing on my mind is that right now I feel kind of like I am pushing against the flow of life - flying into the wind.... I believe that we are supposed to work hard to accomplish what we are trying to do in life, but I also think that at a certain point, struggling against the natural current is to fall into the error of Jonah running away from Nineveh.

Bonhoeffer talks about God's call coming as part of many things in life grinding to a halt. Perhaps for me, that time came at the end of last year and continues now... It is certain that in terms of career, friends, mission... all these things are not moving with any momentum. Of course, most people have times like that. Who knows whether circumstances are coincidental or have a higher meaning. Perhaps both... I know we're not supposed to resolve tensions by sacrificing what we have been called to do, but it is hard for me to remain in the place I am in without grasping some power to control - or the illusion of such.

There must be things worth waiting for - upcoming openings for me to pursue. I must remain alert, able to give myself fully when the time comes... and prayerful and hoping with faith for the best to come.