Ugly mess

so if you visit my blog, please leave a comment. I like to know that people are reading and it helps me stay in touch with friends.


I feel pulled in a million directions right now. I wish life was a bit more simple sometimes. Even though I enjoy the complexity. I think one of the things that makes programming fun for me is that I spend my time sorting and straightening out twisted lines of logic. When I have done a good job, everything is left in good order, tidy and accessible. When I have done a bad job, things are so jumbled that the application starts to show unpredictable signs of instability. Basically the logic becomes disorganized and consequences start to build upon each other in unpredictable ways.

One of the holy grails of programming has been the concept of black boxes. This enables us to put a bunch of logic in a black box, and then use it as a chunk without having to worry about the details. Think of a kitchen appliance. You don't have to know how the electronics inside work, you just turn the kettle on and the water heats up, then it turns itself off and you pour the water out.


That's what I spend my day trying to do. Making a "kettle" that you don't have to wiggle the power cord and tape the lid down with duct tape and you don't have to hold it upside down to get the hot water out.

Click to use Google to search public code for:

• Code that is commented with "ugly mess"


• Code that is commented with "beautiful code"


• Code that is commented with "fuckin mess"

Editing links on your blog

Find the template in your blog settings:


Then scroll dooooown till you find the links section:

Blogging, RSS, Google

OK - here's an interesting blogging wrinkle for those of you interested. The following is a screenshot of my personalized Google homepage with the Google Reader control showing a list of blog items from various friends.

The following are four steps (roughly) to accomplish this. It assumes that you have a personalized google homepage. Let me know if you want more help with this.

Suicide bunny

So for Christmas my awesome sister and brother in law bought me the bunny suicides books 1 and 2. > On Amazon < I am so touched that they know me well enough to buy them for me.

So snow falls in Dallas for a day or two. Something new for everyone to freak out about then I suppose. I havn't looked but I'm sure the news channels will have an all day extravaganza on snow - it's atomic chemistry, political bias and sociological impact.... bah humbug.

So throughout the world I feel a little lost as to where my home is. I realize that the choice is mine to make, however.... senses of home drift like clouds in the sky. Of course I feel at home with my darling bunny but... she drifts also.

Well... off to programing heaven or hell for me today. We shall see what the day brings. Muse - Origin of Symmetry...

Returning home (to Dallas) I have been kicked in the ass by a monstrous panic attack. Combination of anxiety about seeing my darling again, horrible work, and terrible house responsibilities. SJ has been so patient, kind and secure in the face of it. I am thoroughly impressed with this woman.

Last night she told a very funny story about sparring with guys and always being surprised when she was overwhelmed. If you know what SJ looks like you would understand how funny this is. She's possibly shorter even that Tia which is saying something. "I always seem to think - 'maybe this time I'll win'" : >

Sin-like friend test

OK - here's my test thingy so I can be cool like Sin.

Take the test

Homeward bound

Is that sniff because of that massive cold I have, or because of the pain of leaving behind relatives young and old, or because of the joy of returning to my honey pot...? Yes. Nightmare flight tomorrow. Should be ok once I make the connection in Gatwick. Can't wait to see SJ again.

I look forward with excitement and trepidation. Will my hopes be dashed?

Hello island hoppers

I have aligned myself with the Belfast bed tonight. Once more I have flown from Island to island and tomorrow I shall ship out again up north to see Grandparents Sam and Flo. How awesome. How tiring. It is a great experience. I think Sarah-Jane is awesome. My sister is awesome too, but in a different way.


Milport on the Island of Cumbrae


"The Wedge" is the narrowest house in Millport. Yup - that little cream part....


Bringing in the New Year in Scotland


The Scottish mainland

I am now in Scotland

Where SJGR and Pete have their house. In a village called Stonehouse. Very nice little place they have. It's a pretty place and I am very happy for them. Scotland is nice as usual. I am aware that I am far far from home which is increasingly seeming like a person rather than a place. How horribly sickening. Still - makes a nice change. I wonder where I will end up. The twisted paths I tred....

And there's this. How do I stop feeling sad, failure, sorry for everything that happened with A?

Pete and SJGR’s visitation

A Christmas Sonnet on the event of Pete and SJGR’s visitation
Monday, 25 December 2006

When smells of bird and beast assail our sense
And choc’late lies like gold around the fire
Then is the food half way to coming hence
Our guts to greater measures then aspire.
The table set and glasses spark’ling clean
With strange and gaudy napkins laid around
The ham and turkey shimmer golden sheen,
And Pete’s digestive juices start to sound.
Tucked away, a baby lies fast sleeping,
Its first pre-Christmas loud about its ears.
Worlds of Christmas Eve anticipation
Visit us on Christmas Day this great year.
No more! That turkey’s succulent and hot.
A toast to family - both seen and not.

Older older older

Who the hell wants to get old? What with my great-aunt losing her mind and my grandfather in pain with his knee... Plus he longs to be out travelling the world when he struggles to get up the stairs at night. The limitations of old age are painful indeed.

Nonetheless my grandmother has almost no short-term memory any more and she appears to be one of the happiest people I know. Always playing tricks on my grandfather and laughing at the most inane things. The fact that she can't really hear either doesn't get in the way. And I'm sure I've never seen such affection from a wife toward her husband. It's quite amazing what losing your adult sensibilities can do for you sometimes.

I wonder if the secret is to lose them before nature takes them from you.

Ireland ho

Here I am in Lisburn, Ireland. Right here: http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&hl=en&amp;q=BT28+3BW&ie=UTF8&z=19&ll=54.520691,-6.048596&spn=0.000708,0.003377&t=h&om=1

I am enjoying seeing grandparents etc. and went to a nice Christmas Eve service in St. George's Anglican church in Belfast with SJGR and Pete. However I miss the smell of sj's hair terribly and I miss her leaning on my chest looking into my eyes.

BUT the big news is that I am soon to be an uncle for the first time. That's right - my dirty dog of a brother in law has gotten my little sister banged up! She is due in June. I almost had a baby when she told us at the dinner table tonight. Amazing news.

Something wierd is happening to me. I feel almost positive. Hmm. I'm sure Christmas Day will fix that (of course it's already here for me... but since my captive audience is still on the 'Eve I shall refrain from wishing you those festive witterings that will fall so welcomingly from my lips tomorrow. Nyes.

Now to research Sonnet form... I hear that's quite romantic.

Wooing of the shrew

Sometimes I feel a little hurt by my friends. I am overly sensitive to their actions - interpreting business for lack of care or distraction for anger.

So my trip to Mr. Avery's paid off :-) Very much appreciated. I am well and truly chuffed with how lucky I am to have found the most wonderful one. It's that sense of having known a person for years. A feeling of being at home no matter where you are. I have never felt this before.

Hello field-mice

Are you lonely this Christmas? If so - ha ha i'm not. Yes indeed. Bah humbug is hard to say with your mouth fully engaged elsewhere. So going home Saturday for two weeks. But there's a small chance I may get stuck in the airport and miss the family Christmas. It would probably save me 5 or 10 pounds, but mumsie would be oh so upset. I can't do that to her even if I would rather sleep in the airport....

Just dinner tonight with the cohorts - quick round of Christmas shopping needed before that. Remember to take my Black Bush out of the trunk and into the house.

Did I tell you that I met this rather wonderful woman? Oh yeah... I did. So I suppose I should track down a nice nice Christmas present for her. Women of the world unite in advising me about this... thanks to holymanontoast for her advice already. I went by Mr. Avery's last night and found a likely suspect. We shall see.

So what are you listening to? I have Kernis in the car and RATM at work. A deliciously festive concoction I'm sure you'll agree. Killing in the name of....

That's all for now field-mice. Any subject matter requests for forthcoming blogs?

So... dinner last night

On Thursday nights we try to have dinner at my house for the house-dwellers. Last night I also invited sj and her room-mate too. Having warned Tia to lie through his teeth and be on best behavior, the outcome was even more fun than I anticipated. Plus we had a nice toasted head Cabernet Sauvignon and the food turned out good.

Despite working 20 hours on Tuesday and taking late night walks with sj I feel pretty good. Very tired but pretty good. As Chris' biker jacket patch says "What a long strange ride it's been."

When I think about things it scares the crap out of me. How to know when to go fast or slow, where is safe to go, what is sacred, what is illusory. I long for blissful entrancement that makes the cool evening air complete and the mundane city dance. But I can not afford another tragedy. Not that my own heart would be broken beyond repair - of that I am no longer afraid - but rather that I would spoil an innocence far more pristine than my own.

What is this strange sensation

It's a rather amazing thing to have someone excited to see you. What is that feeling? Adoration? The sense that in someone's eyes your worth exceeds whatever you may bring to the table. Those of great physical beauty are often objects of my affection. You could say that I am picky. Or, you could say that my experience of love has been shallow and lacking. I say this:

Those who penetrate the veil
Discover a serenity
Whose pristine condition
Is protected by the thickness of its walls.

Widow's peak

2 results for: widow's peak

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1) - Cite This Source
widow's peak
–noun a point formed in the hairline in the middle of the forehead.

American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source widow's peak
n. A V-shaped point formed by the hair near the top of the human forehead.
[From the superstition that it is a sign of early widowhood.]

Relationship overview web engine

Perhaps I should create an online application which would allow people to analyse their relationship problems through a structured process which collected thoughts and cause/effect chains. This way people could log in to the web-site and pull up some sort of overview of a particular relationship's dynamics to look for problems and solutions.

Or perhaps that's way too American and I would be selling my soul. If I still own it... I think there's a fine line here and I should not cross it. Still - since people are all about relationships it would probably be a hot potatoe. I wonder if I could somehow make money out of it in order to be self-sufficient.... That would be nice. Thunking..... help....

aparently needed for my profile

Cold comfort for parents of unhappy kids

So there was a curious aftertaste this morning after a late night viewing of Apocalyspe Now Redux which didn't end till 3am. I am aparently becoming on of those people who doesn't sleep anymore. Not really eating much either. Oh I pick up scraps here and there. Naga cooked beans, earl grey tea, left over chicken alfredo... I make my way through life on the dregs of other's civilization.

So about my work situation - someone needs to find me a job I am good at. I don't have a strong sense of calling for this line of work. It's not that I don't have talent, but rather that I can't find anyone to teach me by example how to do things. You would think that this computer business would be a bit more robust than it appears to be. The industry seems to survive on spit and duct tape. Computers just don't work. That's the bottom line. The problem is that they are designed for users who don't exist in the real world.

Random picture of the day:


Mr. Bach is playing as I write this. Heather is being pissy via e-mail. Typical. Sara is ignoring me cause she's actually working... Let's see.... who else can I annoy. Damn... boss calls....