The long and winding road

So it's shaping up to be a nightmare end to this period of my life. I suppose that's appropriate after all the disappointments and failures that I have had here.

The car's not selling - no idea why - it's a great car. There's no way I would give it up if I didn't have to. The piano's not selling - again - a beautiful instrument... The city has put a code violation against my house, so I'm having to shell out a crap load of money to do repairs right when I can't afford it. Work continues to be emotionally difficult... At least that is coming to an end very soon.

I know it's all worth it. After all, we made this decision together and I am proud of how we handled it. It would have been very easy to try to screw the system and stay here at all costs, but we are allowing life to have his way... I think that's ultimately more important.

Last night was my last bible study thank G-d... Now to reimagine everything.

Can I go home yet?

10:32 am... only another 9 hours 28 minutes till I can go home. Well I finally own my car - paid off the loan this morning. Now it's time to sell it. It's insane to be moving country in two weeks and to be working a regular job. The plan is to work right up to the day before I leave. That will enable me to take three weeks off before the wedding and 13 days after... Hopefully to be able to dive right back in! If this all goes smoothly it will be a miracle!

Well I just posted an ad on cars.com. Let's see what that reels in... I already posted it on Craigslist and got a call yesterday from a woman who says that she can sell her Toyota Prius for more than she bought it for!!! So she's down-grading to a Civic... Wierd times.

I am full of adrenaline. It's hard for me to concentrate. Hope you are all doing well.

Indespodance Day 08

Hey wait, I guess that would mean that I'm not despondent, right? Hey you would think that after 30 years on this earth I would have learned to enjoy hanging out with a group of people, food and beer. About 1 hour is all I can take before I turn into a pumpkin. It's a despondent experience hanging around when you're starting to feel like an ass for not socializing. Perhaps the only thing worse might be sitting in the corner, avoiding conversation, blogging about how you're sitting in a corner, avoiding conversation. Still, I'm sitting here looking at the mountains in Colorado with the sun breaking through the rain clouds as they drift towards the horizon with a great friend close by and a wonderful bride waiting for me in Ireland, and, despite it all I know that I'll somehow make it through the next 44 days with my sanity intact before flying away from my experience of America in all its glory and shame. What a long, strange ride it's been.

One step closer to knowing

So much to do so little time. Sexy beast and I are anxious as hell waiting for change to happen. Jobs, where to live, what to do with the fat one. Can I take her with me? How to avoid quarantine? What to do with the house? So many questions. I wish September were here and all this anxious preparation were already over.

When things go south

Hello campers. There's not much good news to share today. I'm guessing that Sexy Beast and I will shortly be heading back across the pond. I think we're both tired of waiting on visas to tell us what our future is going to look like.

I'm ok with that, but the event of ending tends to raise uncomfortable questions for me. I guess the question on my mind is one which I should not be attempting to answer. Nonetheless, my treasure is still at least partly on earth... I can't shake the terrible burden of trying to evaluate my life and see what it's worth.

Especially when it comes to friendship, I question everything. For me the value of my life consists of the the value of the long lasting personal connections I have made with those around me. I keep looking around at those who I have called friends over the years and wondering what happened to them all. I wonder if I choose friends based on the wrong criteria. In particular, I think it's probably more important to consider what we have in common, as it appears that what we share is what binds us together.

Helping mum set up her own bog

This is a test

This is a sample for Mum. We're posting stuff together to show her how the blog works.

[photos: April08]

= field. Patterened clouds o f
rinse plu-tion. Fanatinso;
Sumptuous Sumsion }}} m ai
broken art is a piss of pain
how to draw # the fortunate one
his fame my mystery
his life my hurtful disguise
shame
& failure protestant
canno imbecilli de lumine
ljb became my cancer, my decline
her beauty my undoing, my disassembly _
_ i know not how /
be small. feed well V on her promises
the hill crest no more + f in
redemption hopes ch nge it
Boton make fan \';'';'/

Behind the ears

As I prepare for getting married again later this year, there are all kinds of thoughts running through my head. I am excited and overjoyed to be getting back into the kinds of trouble I was previously a part of. SJ got a dress yesterday which was nice - the first time I have seen her get caught up in the experience. As she said this morning, "I think I've caught the bug!"

Meanwhile, I'm scrambling to scrape togetherenough money to survive the upcoming gap in employmehnt or reduction in hours. I think I may have to convert to a contract basis so that I can work some overtime. We shall see. I am trying to remain patient and not to jump the gun on this issue. Hopefully the economic rumblings that the news is filled with today will not affect us directly. I believe that the tech market here will be solid at least for the next year.

Serene ramblings

Wondering if the correct form of business is perhaps to pursue a sculpture I have been imagining entitled "the garden of small words" which would be a collaborative site which people can contribute to. I think the exciting thing about this project would be the attempt to embrace a new technology in Silverlight, while at the same time pursuing something that is not directly linked to the furthering of my career via boring technologies that are frequently what I need to be studying and using.

Meanwhile I am more and more impressed with Radiohead's new offering. This is a truly great song cycle (considering the entire album's breadth) and I hope that they start to expand into more epic endeavors in the future. They don't seem to realize that the medium of album is still something defined by the recording industry they so hated to be a part of... We will see what they come up with. Just saw some of the video via Meebo + YouTube which is looking awesome. I particularly like the Nude (Scottish Mist) video as well as the short promo showing the putting together of the CD.



Last night we sang through the Darke in E which was surprising to me. It's majesty is strange because it truly seems to be a piece of music that expects to be a part of a bigger experience. Rather than assuming the spotlight, it shimmers with anticipation and atmosphere. It is thus a perfect compliment to a truly inspired service rather than being a performance piece that fits the service's requirements. I have been scouring the Internet for recordings but no luck so far. Let me know if anyone out there has one.